Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
