12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
