I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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