Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
