I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
