I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
