dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cockslap morals
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
