dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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