I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
