Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
