Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I cut my penus on the lid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
