New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
