I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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