In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
