A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
