So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
