Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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