i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
