He kissed a someone with a penis
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
