i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
