it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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