Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
