I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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