nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
