i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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