I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
