Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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