it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
