if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
