He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
