She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
