farters have to be the big spoon...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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