Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
