You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
