I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
