first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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