I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
