She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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