i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
