Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
