butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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