Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
