She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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