oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
