I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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