Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
