Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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