so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
