that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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