I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
