i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
