I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
