Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
