he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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